The sorrow of estrangement and homesickness in Iranian immigrants: Roots and psychological strategies

For many Iranians living abroad, even after years of living in a new country, a vague yet profound feeling remains with them: a longing for Iran. A scent reminiscent of a grandmother's home, the melody of an old song in a cafe, or even seeing pomegranates in a fruit seller's basket, can evoke a wave of sadness and memories. This experience has a name: the sorrow of estrangement or homesickness (Homesickness). The sorrow of estrangement is not a weakness or ungratefulness; it is a natural psychological response to being separated from a complex network of meaning, relationships, and identity.

What is Homesickness and How Does it Differ from Ordinary Longing?

Homesickness is not merely 'I miss so-and-so'. Psychologists define it as a persistent sorrowful response to the loss of a familiar environment, network of relationships, cultural cues, and sense of belonging. In migration, an individual simultaneously loses dozens of things: everyday language, tastes, scents, the sounds of the street, multi-layered relationships with extended family, the mental map of a city, and even the social role they had in Iran. The human brain is not prepared to process this volume of change, and its natural reaction is a form of chronic grief.

Symptoms and Signs of Chronic Homesickness

Homesickness can manifest in various forms. The most common symptoms include:

• A feeling of sadness or emptiness without a clear reason, especially in the evenings or on holidays
• Intense craving for Iranian foods, scents, music, or places
• Frequent dreams about home, city, or people in Iran
• Reduced motivation to get acquainted with the new environment or learn the language
• Constant comparison of 'here' with 'there' and dissatisfaction with the differences
• Withdrawal from social activities and gradual isolation
• Anxiety about losing family in one's absence

If these symptoms persist for weeks or months and lead to depression, anxiety, or impairment in work and relationships, we are dealing with a more serious condition that requires attention and sometimes professional support.

Why is Homesickness Heavier for Iranians?

Every migrant misses their homeland, but for Iranians, specific factors deepen this pain:

• Involuntary or Forced Migration: Many Iranians have migrated not out of free choice, but due to economic, political, or social pressures. This feeling of 'being forced' complicates the grief.
• Limitations on Return: For a large portion of Iranian migrants, returning to Iran is not easy or possible. Knowing that one cannot even go for a wedding or a funeral, this closing of the door to return intensifies the sorrow.
• Close Family Ties: Iranian culture has very close-knit family relationships. Absence from Friday night dinners, birthdays, and mourning ceremonies is a painful and recurring experience.
• Everyday Cultural Distance: Small things like 'taarof' (Iranian etiquette), double-edged jokes, verbal courtesies, and even looking at people on the street, have different meanings in other cultures, and individuals constantly feel 'misunderstood'.
• Connection to History and Nature: For many, Iran is not just a country; Hafez's poetry, the sound of the setar, the smell of fresh bread and brewed tea are part of an inner identity that cannot be replaced.

Psychological Strategies for Managing the Sorrow of Estrangement

The goal of managing homesickness is not to eliminate it – completely eliminating the sorrow of estrangement is neither possible nor necessary. The aim is for this feeling to become an accepted part of the migration experience, rather than limiting your life.

1. Acknowledge the Sorrow of Estrangement

The first step is to acknowledge this feeling. Many Iranians, fearing judgment from others (or themselves), try to deny that they are homesick. This denial intensifies the homesickness itself. Allow yourself to write, cry, or talk to someone about it. Grief expressed is grief diminished.

2. Keep Your Roots Alive, But Don't Become Imprisoned

Listening to Persian music, reading Iranian books, cooking traditional foods, participating in Yalda Night and Nowruz celebrations with fellow speakers, all help strengthen identity. However, if you spend all your free time in the 'Iranian digital world' (Instagram, Telegram, news), you will actually become more homesick because you are constantly living in an absent space. Balance is key.

3. Plan Meaningful Contact with Family

Everyday and casual calls are often filled with negative reports and increasing anxiety. Instead, schedule one or two deep weekly calls where you truly talk about feelings, not just review events. If you can, experience games, movies, or even cooking together remotely.

4. Put Down Roots in the New Environment

The brain becomes familiar with an environment when you build something in it. Joining a local sports group, learning the language in an in-person class, doing volunteer work, or having a regular cafe/park you visit every week, gradually builds the feeling of 'this is home too'. Successful migrants are usually those who have two homes, not those who have forgotten their old home.

5. Accept Migration Grief as a Process

Kübler-Ross's model of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) also applies to migration grief. You might be in the anger stage towards the new culture for months, then enter depression, and finally reach acceptance. This back-and-forth is natural and not a sign of regression.

6. Building a New Home with Old Roots

The ultimate goal is not to diminish your 'Iranianness' to assimilate into the host society, nor to distance yourself from the new culture to remain loyal to Iran. Migration psychology shows that the healthiest state is a bicultural identity: preserving roots while opening new branches. Those who find this balance have greater life satisfaction and experience homesickness that is meaningful but not paralyzing.

When Should You Talk to a Therapist?

If your homesickness has led to depression, severe anxiety, sleep disturbances, or reduced ability to perform daily tasks, if you constantly have thoughts of 'I made a mistake by coming here,' or if significant tension has arisen in your relationships (with spouse, children, colleagues), it's time to seek professional help. A therapist who understands your culture and language can help address the root of your feelings much faster.

Emotral provides online counseling in Persian with licensed psychotherapists for Iranians living all over the world. Talking to someone who understands the Iranian migration culture itself lifts a great burden from the sorrow of estrangement.

Final Word

The sorrow of estrangement is not meant to be completely eliminated from your life. This feeling is part of your rootedness and shows that somewhere, something, and someone are dear to you. Our goal is for this love for your roots, instead of being a chain, to become a source of peace and new meaning in your new life. Migration is not an end; it is a transition – and every transition, even the most painful, opens up new space for growth.